I KNOW WHAT LOVE ISN'T

I don't really like being bossed around, nor do I like being scolded. That's just an appetizer to this amazing course.

So, with every breakup eventually you move on (I would hope), but not before you look back and have a good laugh at how you got here and how absolutely right your mom was about everything.

Here's a fun game, match the following quotes from my breakup with the corresponding person who said it. No, there isn't a prize but maybe you'll get as good of a laugh as I did remembering them.

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1."Whaaaaaat? That son of a b!tch!"

2. "Sometimes things have to fall apart so better things can fall together."

3. "Goodbye Mother f'er's!"

4. "[You] should journal, don't blog- it's not helping you."

5. "You have to fight for your sh!tty life."

6. "Is he out of his freaking mind? You dressed up as Princess Leia!"

7. "Men are babies and they will always remain babies."

8. "You loved him, and he broke your heart. It just crushes me."

9. "Dodged that bullet."

10."No more republicans or Packers fans."

11. "I know breakups suck, but like they tell homosexual teens, it gets better."

12. "He will never win. He already lost you. What else is there?"

13. "The dude will never do better than you."

14. " Ish, his new girlfriend is definitely a downgrade, and I wouldn't say that just to make you feel better."

15. "'Cause I knew you were trouble when you first walked in, so shame on me now."

16. "What's past is past."

17. "I would punch him but he's built like a linebacker."

18. "If he ever writes you another note I'm going to get someone else to kick his face in."

19. "I think he would do better with a stupid girl. You are not a stupid girl."

20. "Good. This new guy is a better fit for you than [your ex]. He was a jerk."

Some people correspond to more than one quote.

A. My mom
B. Taylor Swift
C. The movie Bridesmaids
D. My ex ex bf
E. One of my friends
F. Marilyn Monroe
G. EX BF family member
H. Me
I. Someone really smart
J. Dad
K. Walter
L. My brother
M. My cousin
N. a coworker

Sometimes things are messy

And sometimes things fall apart, but like Marilyn Monroe says, sometimes they fall apart so better things can fall together.

It seems that sometimes the easiest things can be the most difficult and messy. Do we make them that way? Or do we just overlook their complexity for their simple exterior? So many relationships look simple and easy from the outside, but inside they are a mix of hard work, compromise and heart.

I was thinking about that tonight at 9pm when I woke from my slowing downward spiral and decided to take on the large baking project of Pasties (pronounced pah-st-eez, not "paste-ees as those are for strippers).

They are so simple in ingredients. They appear delicate, but complex. They taste amazing hot or cold. Eat with or without a fork. Pasties are truly simple, but they start out messy and take a lot of time, but only because I get exited and fill them too full; and like relationships, you can put whatever you want into them, but some things will make the crust soggy. Be careful not to burn the edges and don't skimp on the fat. These keep well, but they are one of the many things that don't last forever. Eat up.

Recipe:

Prepare the dough by cutting 2 cups of cold butter into 6 cups of flour mixed with 1t baking powder and 1t salt.

Add 1 cup ice water slowly until a ball forms. Add more water or flour until dough consistency no easily handled. Divide into 2 disks, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate 1 hour.

Meanwhile thinly slice a combo of root vegetables: carrots, sweet potato, regular potato (necessary to protect the crust) onion, rutabaga, turnips, squash, parsnips etc.

Remove dough and roll into 8" rounds, place a layer of veggies (starting and ending with potato) and adding salt and pepper as Desired. Wrap dough in half and pinch edges. Cut 3 slices in top. Repeat with all dough. Place on baking sheet with edges.

Bake 400 for 15 minutes.

Lower temp to 350, continue to bake 15 minutes.

Remove from over. Microwave 1 stick of butter with 1 cup water. Slowly add a few tablespoons of mixture through slots in pasties.

Return to 350 oven and bake 20-30 minutes until fork inserts easily into veggies.

An apology

I was discussing apology letters the other night with Friends. We are too smart to ever put any feelings on paper but we do mock a friend that once requested an apology be sent via paper. My ex told me I was too stubborn to say sorry, and he may have been right, or maybe I just wasn't ever sorry? I probably never did anything wrong to be sorry about- ever though of that?

So if I did have to write an apology letter to my ex this is what it would say:

Dear Sir,

I'm sorry that you ruined Weezer for me by making me think of the moment you and I were at their concert whenever I hear a song. Yeah, thanks.

I'm sorry I dressed up as Princess Leia.

I'm sorry I learned to love a big dopey lab named after a Packer's coach.

I'm sorry I judged your ex girlfriends by the stuff they left behind, because I never thought I would be one of them.

I'm sorry it took me 5 truck loads and 7 people to tear the "me" from your apartment and I'm sorry you still haven't delivered my bookcase.

I'm sorry you let my plants die. Alone.

I'm sorry I introduced another guy to you as "my boyfriend" when you were actually my boyfriend.

I'm sorry you taught me to compromise.

I'm sorry I can't bring myself to delete the video of you playing tug with my puppy.

I'm sorry I gave you cool shoes and taught you the difference between coordinated and matching.

I'm sorry I'm still pissed that you mysteriously ruined a $300 blazer.

I'm sorry I found it cute when you wore my girl socks because yours were all dirty.

I'm sorry I taught you to have pants hemmed verses getting them an inch too short.

I'm sorry for hiding the clothes that didn't fit you.

I'm sorry I didn't throw away your stained cheese hat or chewed up tiki statues.

I'm sorry I took up so much space on the DVR with the New Jersey psychic show.

I'm sorry for all the times you had to explain how to use the DVD player to my dad.

I'm sorry I now drive 5 min out of my way to avoid going by your house because it still hurts a little to see it.

I'm sorry you made me love another semi-crappy Minnesota sports team.

I'm sorry the smell of hot sauce reminds me of you.

I'm sorry you made all my male coworkers angry when you sent me 3 Valentine bouquets the first year and then gave me gas station socks the second.

I'm sorry you made me like a season of American Idol.

I'm sorry you weren't ashamed of liking American Idol. I was.

I'm sorry I saw you wearing all brown last week, again.

I'm sorry you were clumsy and messy and stubborn and fun, and I'm sorry you were so sure.

But I'm not sorry that I loved you.

And sorry Kellogg's, your scotcheroo recipe sucks.

Try this instead:

1/2 cup light corn syrup
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup chunky peanut butter
6 cups rice crispy-Esk cereal.
1 cup dark chocolate chips
1 cup almond butter
Directions

1. Place corn syrup, honey and sugar into 3-quart saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until sugar dissolves and mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter. Mix well. Add KRISPIES cereal. Stir until well coated. Press mixture into 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan coated with cooking spray. Set aside.

2. Melt chocolate and almond butter together in 1-quart saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly. Spread evenly over cereal mixture. Let stand until firm. Cut into 2 x 1-inch bars when cool.

Note: Before measuring the corn syrup, coat your measuring cup with cooking spray--the syrup will pour easily out of the cup.