An apology

I was discussing apology letters the other night with Friends. We are too smart to ever put any feelings on paper but we do mock a friend that once requested an apology be sent via paper. My ex told me I was too stubborn to say sorry, and he may have been right, or maybe I just wasn't ever sorry? I probably never did anything wrong to be sorry about- ever though of that?

So if I did have to write an apology letter to my ex this is what it would say:

Dear Sir,

I'm sorry that you ruined Weezer for me by making me think of the moment you and I were at their concert whenever I hear a song. Yeah, thanks.

I'm sorry I dressed up as Princess Leia.

I'm sorry I learned to love a big dopey lab named after a Packer's coach.

I'm sorry I judged your ex girlfriends by the stuff they left behind, because I never thought I would be one of them.

I'm sorry it took me 5 truck loads and 7 people to tear the "me" from your apartment and I'm sorry you still haven't delivered my bookcase.

I'm sorry you let my plants die. Alone.

I'm sorry I introduced another guy to you as "my boyfriend" when you were actually my boyfriend.

I'm sorry you taught me to compromise.

I'm sorry I can't bring myself to delete the video of you playing tug with my puppy.

I'm sorry I gave you cool shoes and taught you the difference between coordinated and matching.

I'm sorry I'm still pissed that you mysteriously ruined a $300 blazer.

I'm sorry I found it cute when you wore my girl socks because yours were all dirty.

I'm sorry I taught you to have pants hemmed verses getting them an inch too short.

I'm sorry for hiding the clothes that didn't fit you.

I'm sorry I didn't throw away your stained cheese hat or chewed up tiki statues.

I'm sorry I took up so much space on the DVR with the New Jersey psychic show.

I'm sorry for all the times you had to explain how to use the DVD player to my dad.

I'm sorry I now drive 5 min out of my way to avoid going by your house because it still hurts a little to see it.

I'm sorry you made me love another semi-crappy Minnesota sports team.

I'm sorry the smell of hot sauce reminds me of you.

I'm sorry you made all my male coworkers angry when you sent me 3 Valentine bouquets the first year and then gave me gas station socks the second.

I'm sorry you made me like a season of American Idol.

I'm sorry you weren't ashamed of liking American Idol. I was.

I'm sorry I saw you wearing all brown last week, again.

I'm sorry you were clumsy and messy and stubborn and fun, and I'm sorry you were so sure.

But I'm not sorry that I loved you.

And sorry Kellogg's, your scotcheroo recipe sucks.

Try this instead:

1/2 cup light corn syrup
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup chunky peanut butter
6 cups rice crispy-Esk cereal.
1 cup dark chocolate chips
1 cup almond butter
Directions

1. Place corn syrup, honey and sugar into 3-quart saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until sugar dissolves and mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter. Mix well. Add KRISPIES cereal. Stir until well coated. Press mixture into 13 x 9 x 2-inch pan coated with cooking spray. Set aside.

2. Melt chocolate and almond butter together in 1-quart saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly. Spread evenly over cereal mixture. Let stand until firm. Cut into 2 x 1-inch bars when cool.

Note: Before measuring the corn syrup, coat your measuring cup with cooking spray--the syrup will pour easily out of the cup.