I'm fighting for my sh!tty life.

It feels like my ex is engraved into my life. Everything good about him is etched into everything I know. I seem to forget anything annoying or rude about him although I know those things existed (such as the glaringly obvious one where he dumped a really cool girl).

It must be a cruel joke where 90% of your day reminds you of your ex. I'm shopping in Target and walk by the men's socks; " aww, I used to buy him socks," Or I see a cupboard open and think "aww he used to do that." That was really annoying come to think of it.

For the first two years I spent my time incorporating him into every nook of my life, and after the breakup I can't spend enough time trying to unravel him from it. Shame on me for ordering address labels with both our names!

I say I don't have any regrets about this relationship, and I try not to. People tell me it was worth it because with every person you date you learn about yourself and you learn what you want, or in my case what you don't want. I prefer not to have someone that dumps me just before year 2. I guess I don't understand why it took my ex so long to give up on me, to give up on us. Maybe he really wanted to make it work but it was too forced? Yuck, I don't like that idea.

Next time i'll take the clingy guy who wants nothing but to spend time with me; The guy who ditches his friends and texts me 43 times a day asking what I am doing. Kidding. Kinda.

So I was thinking, why haven't women created some form of secret dating database for men? One women would log that her ex was way too into cleaning and so she dumped him, I would search"OCD" and the guy would come up and I would be like "umm jackpot!"

It also seems logical to brand them (yes I am now rudely talking about men like they are cattle). Maybe take a thumb for every girl you cheat on? Hey- 2 strikes you are out seems very fair.

Just because you don't regret your relationship doesn't mean you can't be pissed. I'm pretty pissed, and I'm pretty. I'm not pissed that he dumped me, because I would never want to be with someone who wasn't obsessed with being with me, but I'm pissed that in the end he could walk away so easily- like I was another business transaction.

I am also angry, but only because he used one of those horrible lines when he told me that I was "a good person," and he missed my dog (no, he didn't mention missing me). I'm also pissed because somewhere in the mail forwarding my DSW shoe coupons got lost. That is not ok. Do you have any idea the downward spiral that has ensued because of this?!

So, like baking, sometimes you try things and they don't work out. You always think or hope that they will. Sometimes you don't like how they turn out but everyone else does. Sometimes you give up in the middle or toward the end and sometimes you don't even want to go into the kitchen. My best advice (no, I shouldn't be giving advice) is to give it a try. It sucks when it goes wrong, but how else will you learn that imperfections are perfection and madness is genius or something like that.

So tonight I obviously had to feed my emotions with cheese. This is my version of the vegetarian "Juicy Lucy." It's a fried mozzarella slice with roasted veggies and pesto on a pretzel bun. Ha!

After 3/4 bottle of wine the recipe seems very time consuming to type, but here is what I can recall:

Slice fresh mozzarella. Put in freezer for a 15 min (easier to work with). Dip in flour. Then dip in egg/milk mixture and finally bread crumbs with whatever herbs you want (I used onion and garlic powder, Salt and parsley). Fry in 1/2in of oil. Toast a bun, slather with fresh pesto and then top with roasted zucchini red pepper, mushroom and red pepper, then add the fried cheese. Those tears will immediately turn into calories right on your butt, where your ex can put his lips.

So, just like the movie "Bridesmaids" says, "You have to fight for your sh!tty life," so this is me fighting for mine.