5 stages and 9 dogs

I have a love hate relationship with grocery shopping. I hate the part where you have to pay for the items at the end, but I love coming up with recipes in my head when something I see sparks my cooking creativity. This usually results in various items that do not make a meal in the cart (insert ADHD comment here). Grocery time is also a good way to avoid thinking about your ex or your breakup; That is until you reach the aisle with all the items you would buy special for your ex- then you are like, son of a! And you begin weeping in front of the produce guy who pretends to check avocado ripeness to avoid eye contact with you.

So back to my point. When you google "breakups" (uh, no I didn't google breakups- I mean how sad would that be if I did), anyway when you google "breakups" they give you the 5 stages of breakups which are very similar to grief and death. The stages start out with shock, denial (oh ya), depression (you don't say?) and then apparently anger (typically when you are in the middle of hauling your dresser down his stairs) and eventually acceptance and recovery. I believe I am in 4 of the 5 stages currently and simultaneously. I believe the term for that is manic? Just another manic Monday, oh oh oh. Heart that song. (Another ADHD comment goes here.)

Moving on. When you go through these stages it is important to have your support. Sometimes that support comes from friends, sometimes family and sometimes for me double stuffed Oreos. Oreos are so full of chemicals and trans fats, they are purely poison, and this makes me want them even more. There is something about wallowing in self pity where self deprecation is cathartic. Bring on the cancerous cookies please. "But you are the spokeswoman for organic baking!?" People shout. Yes, but even this girl doesn't always follow the rules (we will come back to that later).

These are times when I can't wait to get home to put on my fat pants and crawl into bed with a case of Oreos and drift off to sleep (its about 6pm if you are wondering), because when I'm sleeping I don't have to think about him, or us.

I think naps are breakup stage 6 so don't fight the urge. Now, no nap would be complete without a furry buddy (don't even go there pervs); I am talking about dogs. They say so much without saying anything at all (hate that song).

When you are traumatized by a breakup you should immediately go out and get 9 dogs. Get yourself outnumbered ASAP. If you have concerns about your general safety when around so many dogs you are on the right track.

Now take it up a notch. When you are looking for ways to occupy your broken heart and obsessive mind and you have no one to cook for, make dog food. No, I'm not joking. Get a food processor and start pulsing.

I used to cook dinner for my ex almost every night. Now I cook breakfast for my dog every...night.

With some vet guidance to make sure the essential vitamins and minerals are included, I whipped up an all natural organic diet for my dog, Walter. He used to eat the best grain free dog food I could find, but after research that wasn't good enough anymore. Walter enjoys his homemade diet and I enjoy spending twice as much money and time. I know he appreciates it more than my ex ever did because of the way he licks the bowl at the end. Then again, he also tries to eat kitty litter....


Doggie diet
*please reference Dr.Pitcairn's "Complete Guide to Natural Health" or Dr.Ian Dunbar's "Give Your Dog a Bone" before attempting this diet.

Combine 1cup cooked oatmeal or quinoa with 1 cup raw ground beef, 1 raw egg, 1T nutritional yeast, 1t kelp, 1/2T kelp powder, 1/2T bone meal powder, 1t powdered vitamin C.

Purée raw veggies (carrots, parsley, beets, zucchini etc) and add 1/2 cup. Rotate raw meats and raw veggies: feed amounts according to your Dog's size and activity level.

Don't buy your dog food at Walmart.